Headlines We Are Not Expecting to Come from the GM Meetings

[Jnevel]

CARDINALS SIGN JUAN SOTO TO 2 YEAR $28 MILLION CONTRACT WITH TEAM FRIENDLY 3RD YEAR OPTION

OWNERS VOTE TO REPLACE MANFRED WITH PHILLIE PHANATIC

DODGERS AGREE TO BUY CALIFORNIA TODAY (using deferred payments that start in 2094)

[gscottar]

Technically the GM Meetings were last month. Next week will be the Winter Meetings.

Your headlines are funny though…lol

[Jnevel]

True indeed GScottar. It is the Winter Meetings!

I was hoping to see some other fun not-to-be headlines pop up from the faithful. Something like:

MOZELIAK EXPOSED AS DOUBLE AGENT

MLB ANNOUNCES THAT ALL ITS PARKS WILL SUPPLY FREE BEER THIS SEASON TO SPECTATORS OVER THE AGE OF 14

[gscottar]

JACK FLAHERTY ANNOUNCES HIS RETIREMENT AS A PLAYER TO BECOME HEAD OF THE MLBPA.

RAYS OWNER ANNOUNCES HIS TEAM WILL PLAY ALL 162 GAMES ON THE ROAD UNTIL A CITY GIVES HIM WHAT HE WANTS.

JOHN MOZELIAK DOES AN ABOUT FACE ON THE REBUILD AND SIGNS CORBIN BURNES AND PETE ALONSO TO MASSIVE ONE YEAR DEALS. A STUNNED BILL DEWITT REALIZES HE NOW OWES LUXURY TAX MONEY AND FIRES MOZELIAK IMMEDIATELY.

[TexasCard]

Cardinals Brass Seeks DOGE Advise Amid Sham Revamp

Cardinals Trade Cardinal Village for Ice Cream Machine

Cardinals Up Ticket Prices to Further Reduce Attendance im Relocation Bid

Mozeliak Has Change of Heart and Won’t Leave Post with Cardinals

Cardinals Prepare for Soft Renewal

Cardinals Trade for Slugger (the Jack Clark Trade revisited 40 years later)

Cardinals to Close Hall of Fame Due to Lack of Worthy Inductees

And the beat goes on…

[Jnevel]

Several made me chuckle from both lists. I particularly liked Cardinals Prepare for Soft Renewal.

[Cardinal in France]

Cardinals trade Gorman to Dodgers for Edman

Yadi signs with Cardinals as bullpen coach

Ollie relieved of the pressure to produce a winner

[bicyclemike]

Those are great! Let’s see….

MOZELIAK COMMENTS THAT “MARMOL IS TO CARDINAL MANAGERS WHAT MUSIAL IS TO PLAYERS’ – FANS REACT ON SOCIAL MEDIA WITH ‘LAUREL & HARDY’ COMP

CARDINALS DEAL ARENADO, MIKOLAS TO PADRES FOR JAKE CRONENWORTH AND A MANGER TO BE NAMED LATER

ATHLETICS MOVE BACK TO PHILADELPHIA – WILL PLAY IN CITIZENS BANK PARK UNTIL NEW CONNIE MACK STADIUM IS COMPLETE IN 2028

MANFRED BRINGS IN WARREN BUFFET TO ADDRESS ‘INEFFICIENCY IN MLB OPERATIONS’

[Brian Walton]

The best/worst part about the Alonso and Burnes signings would be the loss of two more early draft picks. Sorry about that, Chaim!

[Jnevel]

Thanks for playing along. Many of these made me chuckle.

[TexasCard]

Cardinals Win Winter Meetings

Cardinals Payroll Exceeds Dodgers

Cardinals Sign Soto to First One Billion Dollar Contract

Cardinals Execute Aggressive Winter Meetings

Cardinals Tap Rally Squirrel for Return (replaces Fredbird)

Cardinals to Properly Honor Mike Shannon (this one really should happen)

[Brian Walton]

TC, the Cards inducted Shannon into the team Hall of Fame. Do you think he deserves retired number recognition or what else could they do?

[TexasCard]

Yes, I do Brian. I admit I’m biased from knowing him, but the man spent his lifetime a Cardinal and his passing wasn’t handled well IMHO.

[1toughdominican]

Taylor Swift and Oprah Endorse Current Cardinal Manager.

[stlcard25]

MANFRED ANNOUNCES NEW “G0LDEN GAME” IDEA FOR WORLD SERIES-27 AT BATS OF SHOHEI OHTANI VS PAUL SKENES
-“We’re giving them what they really want,” says Manfred

CORBIN BURNES GETS A ROCKY MOUNTAIN HIGH AS HE INKS DEAL WITH COLORADO FOR 5 YEARS AND $200M
-Burnes becomes the latest hurler to fall for the Mile High City’s pitch

ROKI SASAKI INDICATES LOVE OF COLESLAW AND FRIES ON SANDWICHES A KEY FACTOR IN DEAL WITH PIRATES
-“The best combo since the fastball and splitter,” Sasaki says

NASHVILLE SALTY AS MLB ANNOUNCES EXPANSION FRANCHISES IN UTAH, SYRACUSE, NY

FANS IN TEARS AS TOM HANKS IS INTRODUCED AS NEW OWNER OF TWINS IN A SURPRISE MOVE

NOW ON BASEBALL’S CUTTING EDGE, CARDINALS REPLACE MARMOL WITH AI-POWERED ROBOT WHITEY HERZOG
-“We needed more wonk in our wonk department,” opined Mozeliak

IN A SUDDEN SWOOP, CARDS TAB BRIAN WALTON AS NEW ASSISTANT GENERAL MANAGER OF MINOR LEAGUE EFFICIENCY
-“blingboy” also picked for role as Director of Fan Relations, Prospect Publicity and Injury News Staff

[PugsleyAddams]

You have a wonderfully wild imagination, stlcard25. Well played sir!

[1toughdominican]

Nice!

[Card4Ever]

BLOOM SEES ENOUGH AND RESIGNS! MO SIGNS NEW 5 YEAR EXTENSION!

MARMOL LED CARDS WIN 81 GAMES. DeWITT FORCES BLOOM TO RENEW DEAL ANOTHER 3 YEARS.

DeWITT TRADES TEAMS AND LOCATIONS WITH A’s OWNER. FANS SURPRISINGLY HAPPY IN THE LOO?

[Card4Ever]

NOW ON BASEBALL’S CUTTING EDGE, CARDINALS REPLACE MARMOL WITH AI-POWERED ROBOT WHITEY HERZOG
-“We needed more wonk in our wonk department,” opined Mozeliak

Can we have AI GM Whitey too?

[jj-cf-stl]

A COUPLE OF YEARS? THANKS FOR THAT. LUCK IN THE DRAFT IS KEY FOR ME.

[14NyquisT]

THE ST. LOUIS CARDINALS ANNOUNCE THAT APPROXIMATELY HALF OF THEIR HOME GAMES WILL BE PLAYED IN MEMPHIS
AND SPRINGFIELD DUE TO THE FACT THAT WILL LIKELY DRAW BIGGER CROWDS THERE.

[Author]

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