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Hopefully our boys with the birds on the bat have been good this year and they all wake up on Christmas morning to happily find that Santa has placed all of these wonderful gifts under the glorious tannanbaum…
Paul Goldschmidt…An amulet to place in his pocket prior to entering the batter’s box in October.
Nolan Arenado…A scoreboard that posts a Redbird win in the post-season.
Tommy Edman…A permanent residency on the left side of the IF.
Brendan Donovan…A clause in his contract that explicitly forbids that he ever be placed in the #5 slot.
Willson Contreras…He don’t get nuthin’…What else do you need when you’ve got $87.5 MM?
Tyler O’Neill…A bionic hamstring composed entirely of weapons grade titanium.
Dylan Carlson…Another phone call in which Johnny proclaims, “You’re my boy in CF!”
Lars Nootbar…A jumbo sized coffee urn in the clubhouse intended to help him elevate his energy level.
Adam Wainwright…A time portal containing a vortex of energy that carries him directly to the year 2014.
Steve Matz…A court order that mandates he allow Goldy to field all GB’s hit to the right side.
Jack Flaherty…Reference Adam Wainwright’s gift, but change the year to 2019.
Miles Mikolas…A year’s supply of those “three sacred herbs” for him to burn in the OF.
Dakota Hudson…A strike zone seeking baseball.
Oliver Marmol…An intense 8 week course of instruction tutored by TLR and Whitey.Well, that’s about it for me. If anyone else has any gift suggestions for these or any other of our favorite team’s players, I’m certain Santa can deliver… Merry Christmas and Ho Ho Ho!
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